My spiritual director said to me last month, "Do you know what this coming year is?" I didn't know what to answer. I asked, "What, the year 2020?" She said smiling, "Yes. 20/20 vision." Great! I'm looking forward to that!
It seems everywhere you look now there is "a year in review": for movies, music, news, etc. So, I though I'd share a few thoughts of my own as I look back over 2019 myself.
First of all, it started with great pain. In fact that is the last blog I wrote before this one, one year ago. My dog (that really belonged to my mother), died a very tragic death at 8 years old and I cried for months. I loved that dog so much, I was heart broken. And she died right in my arms.
So after that, things could only get better.
It was a year of some milestones for a few birthdays and even for our wedding anniversary! It seems, though, that with every happy occasion there is some suffering to temper it. While we were away for our 5th anniversary weekend (picture of us horseback riding from that weekend), Shawn's father went into the ICU. Two weeks later he passed away. But God was so merciful and so present through it all. His peace was palpable. Through an unforeseen turn of events, both Shawn and I were at his Dad's side in the ICU. He died on Friday, September 13th at the 3 O'clock hour right after we prayed the Divine Mercy chaplet. How's that for a peaceful death?!
Also, as we look back over our first 5 years of marriage and remember how God brought us together and all that has happened in this short time, we remain filled with gratitude and wonder. Both of us waited our whole lives and God orchestrated us meeting each other at the perfect time and in the perfect way. As the song goes, God blessed the Broken Road that led us straight to each other. And the classic saying, God writes straight with crooked lines, applies here too but sometimes the lines are really all over the place! :)
It's been a year of great grace with a lot of getting out of my comfort zone (I gave a couple of talks at some prayer groups to share my story and met some wonderful people). There have been some amazing "God-incidences" too! I made my first retreat at Malvern this year for a women's retreat and that was a wonderful weekend with a Capuchin priest leading it. I would highly recommend it: I met new friends, there was quiet time to pray, the grounds were beautiful, the talks by the Father were wonderful and inspiring and very healing. The topic of the retreat was "Women of the Bible" though I thought I was going on a retreat about Mother Teresa of Calcutta (that was the title of that particular retreat weekend). God pulled a fast one on that. :)
My favorite moment of the retreat was when Father gave a talk on the lady healed of the 12 year hemorrhage when she touched the hem of Jesus' cloak. We had adoration at the same time as Father's talk and he said that we too had that opportunity to be like that woman of faith: to go up to the altar and touch the hem of the altar cloth on which the Blessed Sacrament was exposed and to bring all of our brokenness to Jesus to be healed. It was a sacred moment of great grace and healing. I don't think there was a dry eye there or a person whose heart wasn't touched that evening.
With all that is happening in the Church and in the world right now, it hits very close to home and has opened some deep wounds. But I realize the fact that they are still so painful is because there is still a lot of healing to be done. I went through a very traumatizing experience in the Church over a number of years but rather than lose my faith, which was a huge possibility at that time, God allowed it to be shaken, to find even deeper roots so that in the midst of all of these scandals, I would have the grace to stand firm and share the journey I made with others going through the same thing. Through it all, I found strength in the Sacraments (especially the Eucharist and Confession) and I found that in counting my blessings rather than focus on past hurts, it's helped me to continue to heal from deep anger and betrayal and to trust more in God. He continues to teach me to put my trust in Him rather than people and to keep my eyes on Jesus rather than the chaos around me. He shows me still how to stay in His peace (through prayer and adoration) rather than succumb to anxiety and depression. He has given me joy that was lost for a time and helps me to have even more hope for the future. I try to keep in mind what St. Paul says about focusing on what is beautiful and good, in the midst of the ugliness that seems prevalent in the news.
Through some very tough times, we are challenged to love the Church even more deeply and with an even more pure love and deeper dedication. I am learning to focus on Jesus the Head, who, despite what goes on here on earth, remains All Holy.
And after everything, rather than condemn others and jump what seems to be a sinking ship but in no way is one, I ask myself, how can I be part of the solution? That is an ongoing question to which I am still waiting for an answer and hope to find more clearly in 20/20.
Best wishes for many blessings and 20/20 vision in the New Year!
]]>In the midst of sorrow, shock, exhaustion... my heart felt heavy and not very festive this Christmas-New Years season. Every night still I have vivid images of Molly dying and remembering what an awesome and sweet dog she was, squealing for joy every time I came to my mom's front door up until even two days before she died. I knelt in front of the Baby Jesus in shock and in tears. What is happening? Our hearts are broken and the pain seems to block out the joy of the season.
I remembered what Christopher West had said (reminded by my brother) during a course Shawn and I took, to let Jesus into my memories, into my deepest wounds and pain so that he can heal and transform them. We often hide these from God and try to lick our own wounds, but He wants to be there. That wisdom made it less lonely and a little less heavy to have Jesus there with me in my memory as I held a limp dog in my arms, overcome with anguish and sorrow. I tried to live Christmas in the present moment inviting Jesus, who came into the messiness of our world over 2,000 years ago, to come again into the messiness of my life, of my memories. Jesus didn't come as a powerful, rich king born in a palace. He came as a poor, tiny baby, into a cold world, from an imperfect family history, to bring God into it. I begged Him to come into my world, my life, to bring His peace, His healing, His hope... to remind me that this is the journey and that I am called into His Kingdom, which is not of this earth.
As I continue to search for hope and meaning in sorrow, pain and loss, I am reminded in the Book of Revelation 21:3-5:
“Behold, God’s dwelling is with the human race. He will dwell with them and they will be his people and God himself will always be with them [as their God]. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there shall be no more death or mourning, wailing or pain, [for] the old order has passed away.”
The one who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.”
So as we begin this New Year, we ask Baby Jesus, who has come again this Christmas to dwell in our hearts, wipe away our tears and give us strength, please make all things new. Jesus, I trust in You!
]]>On 5-25-18, the Republic of Ireland is giving the people of Ireland the chance to uphold or repeal the 8th Amendment of their Constitution. The 8th Amendment protects unborn children from being killed by abortion in Ireland, unless the women’s life is in danger.
How can you make a difference in a vote going on in Ireland? We ask you to consider committing to prayer and/or fasting that the people of Ireland will uphold their 8th amendment. We recommend to pray the Rosary, Divine Mercy Chaplet or St. Patrick's Breastplate Daily!
One Irish group is requesting everyone to pray the Efficacious Novena to the Sacred Heart of Jesus for Ireland from the 17th- 25th of May, the day the vote will be held. Padre Pio recited this novena every day for all those who requested his prayers. As he said, “Pray, Hope and Don't Worry.”
Thank you for praying to protect the unborn! Please email us and let us know how you plan to help! Our Lady of the Holy Rosary, pray for Ireland!
God bless!
Shawn & Kathleen
PS. If you don't believe prayer can make a difference, then read the story of the Battle of Lepanto and Our Lady of the Rosary!
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If we look at the news or TV, we don’t see signs of this beauty very often and we can become discouraged and depressed very easily. People treating each other rudely and cursing even in food shows (Is that necessary?!), hit and runs, shootings, war and violence in many parts of the world, etc. You get the picture so I won’t go on. Does that remind us of the beautiful or make us want to sing that we’re happy to be alive? Probably not, but guess what? It is precisely because it is so “dark” in the world that being a light of Christ is needed even more!
The brightness of the sun on this gorgeous Spring day is nothing compared to the brightness of the Son shining through a person with a pure heart, whose smile and kindness radiates through the darkness of the world, giving a glimmer of hope to so many who lack it. Sure, these might seem flowery words but it isn’t easy living hope in a world (society) that doesn’t seem to give us reason to when we look around. But just being in the state of grace and not even saying a word, we carry the light of Christ in us to all we meet. Like St. Francis said, preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary, use words.
Blessings to you for a beautiful day and another chance to preach the Gospel to so many who are truly dying of thirst, longing unknowingly for the pure streams of Living Water that Christ wants to pour out to them through you! :)
]]>So we had a great time walking and running through all the fallen leaves along the path, and when I reached into my sweatshirt about an hour later to take out my car keys, they were gone! Not only my car keys, but also the keys to my house, my husband's truck, and several other important keys. "Ugh! How could I be so stupid?!" was the first panicked thought that ran through my head thinking "... all the keys on one ring AND in a pocket without a zipper AND running through piles of fallen leaves with the dog..." So the dog and I walked back over the whole length of where we had walked, kicking around all the leaves, looking along the edge of the walkway... I didn't remember hearing the keys fall onto the pavement so I figured they probably fell in the leaves somewhere. This will be impossible!
At this point, my heart sank more and more as the dog tired out and I had to actually carry her at this point (she's a toy poodle) and, despite all the nice people who had offered to help look along the way, no keys.
Now it was getting toward evening, I couldn't get into my car, my husband was working and wouldn't be home for more than an hour. Even if I got a ride home, I had no key to get into the house, and I have my dog so I can't wait inside somewhere as the evening got cooler. So these two nice ladies, sisters, took pity on me and took Mia and I back to their house until it was close to the time that Shawn would get home. Then they dropped us off on my doorstep and I sat on the front steps waiting for Shawn since I was locked out of my own house. Talk about humiliating.
An aside now. Years ago my friend, Donna, had taught me to pray to ask the Holy Souls to help find things and offer a Rosary for them to thank them. I was lazy about it back then because I wanted to do a quick prayer to St. Anthony and find whatever I lost. So at the time I had lost a watch. I prayed to St. Anthony but for some reason, still didn't find it. Time passed so I gave in and said to the Holy Souls that I would pray a Rosary for them if they helped me to find it, and just as I was saying that in my head I reached into the pocket of a sweater I hadn't worn for weeks and there was the watch. Sneaky, aren't they? :)
So as we left the park and I realized I wouldn't find the keys that day, I just entrusted the whole thing to the Holy Souls and I felt in my heart that somehow I would get my keys back (even though in my mind I thought it was almost impossible and had no idea how since the park was covered in leaves).
A couple of weeks passed and I didn't lose hope, though I did have to make copies of keys and use a spare one for the car. Then one day at work, my husband called and left a voice mail ,"They found your keys and they're at the Post Office". What?!!! I couldn't believe it!
So here's what happened: Someone found my keys, didn't know who they belonged to since there's no name or ID on them, dropped them in a local mail box, they ended up at my local Post Office, a worker there saw the tag for our local hardware store, called them up and gave the number on the key card. The employee of the hardware store looked it up and called the owner of the card, my husband .... And I went right after work and picked them up at my Post Office, almost incredulous that they could possibly be my keys until I had them in my hands. Wow!!! Holy Souls to the rescue big time and God bless the person who dropped them in the mail box!
If I needed more proof that the Holy Souls listen to our prayers and help us, there it was. Though I was already a believer :)
So now, we are super excited that we have a new Rosary coming out, thanks to an idea inspired by our friends, Bob and Maureen. The new Rosary is, for me, a wonderful way to thank the Holy Souls who have helped me so much through the years and rely on our prayers to help them get to heaven quicker. Click here to check it out!
Holy Souls pray for us!
]]>Because of this, I am never weary of giving thanks to my God who hath kept me safe, "in the day of my trial." In such a way that today I may in full confidence offer Him a sacrifice of my soul as "a living victim" to Christ my Lord. For it is He who "has defended me from all my afflictions," so that I may say to him, " Who am I , Lord," or what is my calling , that you have appeared to me in such divine power. So that today, among the gentiles, I may praise you ceaselessly, and magnify your name, wherever I may be, and this, not merely in good time but also in distress....... (Psalm 95;9; Romans 12:1; Psalm 34:7; II Samuel 7:18; Acts 2:17; and Matthew 24:14)
Take some time to talk to St. Patrick and let his words soak into your soul and mind. Are they speaking anything to your heart? Does he want want you to do something with what you learned today about him and yourself?
St. Patrick, bless us!!!! St. Patrick, please pray for us!
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Jesus therefore said to him, "Unless you see signs and wonders you will not believe." The official said to him, "Sir, come down before my child dies." Jesus said to [the official], "Go; your son will live." The man believed the word that Jesus spoke to him and went his way. As he was going down, his servants met him and told him that his son was living. … The father knew that was the hour when Jesus had said to him, "Your son will live"; and he himself believed, and all his household. Jn 4:48-53
Our priest gave a thought-provoking homily that probably rings true in so many hearts as he asked, “Why then doesn’t Jesus answer our prayers too when we pray for a loved one to be healed?” And Father went on with his soul searching questions from his own life as he wondered why all his parents’ prayers and pilgrimages to holy sites were not answered with the healing of his brother who has cystic fibrosis. But recently his brother peacefully said to him that there is so much suffering going on in the world today, that if God wants him to continue suffering with his disease, he is happy to offer it up for those who are in need around the world. Father pondered this loving, selfless comment from his brother who continues to suffer from constant medical treatments and the disease itself and wondered out loud during his homily, does God not grant certain healings because there is a greater good that comes from it instead? …
As I listened to Father’s homily, I thought back over my own life. One big thing popped out at me as Father spoke and memories ran through my mind of my father. He was hit by a drunk driver around Christmas time when he was 46 yrs. old and lived the rest of his life paralyzed, in and out of hospitals and rehabs and when home, had home health aides, nurses and doctors in and out of his home. How many pilgrimages and healing Masses we all went to asking God for Dad to be healed. How many tears we all cried when it happened, and throughout the years. I wondered, at times, "why didn’t God seem to answer our prayers either?", as Father continued pondering out loud in his homily. Why didn’t He heal my Dad?
Or did He answer prayers we didn’t even know to pray? Did He answer our prayers in another way? Did He bring about even more good in the midst of great suffering? Or rather, didn’t the intense suffering make the joyful times even more joyful? Didn’t He save my father’s life at the time of the accident and give him another chance to live life to the fullest in a different way, a more spiritual one? Didn’t He change all of our family’s lives (we are 4 siblings) at a crucial time in life when we were in college, high school and middle school to question life at a young age and aim our lives in a different direction? Didn’t He draw our family even closer as we learned to pray the Rosary while my Mom drove us every day to the trauma unit? Throughout the years as we traveled on pilgrimages praying for Dad, didn't He teach us how much more life itself is a pilgrimage and how to live it as such? As we prayed for our father to be healed, maybe God healed all of us and him in ways that are far more valuable and miraculous than a physical healing, which lasts just a life time. He gave us graces that will guide us to forever.
So why does God permit suffering? An age-old question that leads us always to the ultimate answer that never changes. God gave us His only Son so that we may have life and life in abundance. We must follow Him, and it doesn’t end at the suffering of the Cross but leads us to the Resurrection. Perfect joy and healing forever.
In memory of my beloved father, William E. Howard, who died March 27, 2012 surrounded by our family cheering him on to heaven.
]]>Well, this Lent I gave up looking up the news on my phone in the morning when I eat breakfast. It might seem like not a big deal but that is harder for me than not eating chocolate. It's something I became almost addicted to and wastes a ton of time, that I don't have to waste! And it actually does not help me to start my day off well at all. In fact, it made me sad and depressed to read all the stuff going on in the world (minus the good things of course which I rarely saw in my news headlines). So in breaking this unhealthy habit, I am remembering what I heard someone say once last year, that when you give something up you need to fill that "space" with a positive habit. So since it is an issue with using my phone, I decided to use that time during breakfast to watch the daily Best Lent Ever videos by Matthew Kelley and, if I have time, also to read a daily COR email from Christopher West. Whew! What a big difference it is making (though I still struggle to not check out the news first thing). I start the day with beautiful, faith-filled, positive reflections that can help me change my life one day at a time, which is less daunting than thinking of how far I still have to go to work through my defects and grow in holiness in the whole picture. I don't waste time (and get to morning Mass on time now :) ) and I am uplifted and given a healthy challenge for the day. I don't start off with such a heavy heart, almost overwhelmed by what's going on in the world, and I can make a difference starting with myself.
Sigh... So, hopefully this Lent I don't break my promise and after 40 days live at least some of the positive changes that are given to work on daily during this time. Thank God we get to live Lent over and over each year so we can grow a little more each time. :) Only 4 weeks to go!
Here is another great tool that a priest gave out at Mass last week. A calendar with an activity to do each day during Lent. Here's a pic of it:
Happy Lent! Buona Quaresima!
Don't forget to check out our new additions to our shop for the Sacraments!
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"For You, O Lord, my soul in stillness waits. Truly my hope is in You." (from an Advent Hymn by Marty Haugen)
]]>Happy Thanksgiving!
]]>HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!
Shawn and Kathleen
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Great to know we have two young girls open to pray to their guardian angel for help.
Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom God's love commits me here, ever this day be at my side to light, to guard, to rule, to guide. Amen
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God Bless! Shawn & Kathleen
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Today we are in Middletown NJ praising the Lord and spreading the message of the Rosary and Divine Mercy at the Charasmatic Conference. We had a great day last night and met some great people. One of the most touching moment's was talking to Siena a sweet 8 year old who told us that the best thing she liked about God was that He was God!
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We are a family run ministry and we have been working hard to make this site available to you. We tried to quietly open on the Feast Day of St. Theresa of Calcutta (Mother Theresa) and our Wedding Anniversary. For us, she is one of our Patrons and she lived well St. Therese the Little Flower's legacy of doing "small things with great love." But we ran into some unforeseeable technical issues, so in true human fashion our best laid plans were delayed. But this is a good because God always Turns it Around, He always makes good out of all things, for those who live for His purpose (Romans 8:28). We want our site to be a place where people come to turn it around through the prayers of Our Lady of Sorrows, the patroness of Turn It Around, the mother of Jesus and our friend in the Rosary. So lets get started helping each other turn each day around through prayer, love and mercy!
We have just started this grand adventure and look forward to the journey. We are always relearning that not only does our destination matter but each moment of the journey.
We are super excited to get to know you all. We truly believe as we stated in Our Mission statement, that we all heal when we listen to each other's stories. So with great excitement, we ask you to share your personal stories of faith, prayer and love by sending them to us at the following email: yourstory@katholicbeadsandmore.com. Also, let us know when you contact us if we can share them on this Blog to inspire others and to give God glory. Thanks for your interest and we really look forward to getting to know you better and hearing all the wonderful ways God has touched your hearts to grow in faith, love and mercy.
If you have any questions, please feel free to contact us using the green contact button on the website or call 215-504-1718. We will get back to you as soon as possible.
God Bless! Have a great day!
Shawn and Kathleen
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